TRUST BETRAYED, SECRETS KEPT!

I idolized my big brother, desired his affirmation, approval, and acceptance.  He summoned me to his bedroom and informed me that he was going to “educate” me.  I felt a tinge of discomfort as I heard him unzip his pants and sensed his movement toward me.  The meaning of “educate” became clear as he approached me and began a series of sexual acts. As a 12-year-old, my 17-year-old brother’s actions left me confused, feeling guilty, and frightened.  I was terrified that if I told anyone I would betray my brother and be blamed by my parents for being in his room.  I often wondered why I kept the secret for as long as I did.  The truth is I finally realized that I was not to blame for these incidents and my desire to release any secrets I held hostage in my soul triggered my need to speak out.

My mother’s response and brother’s lack of response were not surprising as I have been the family “scapegoat” for most of my life. My motive for sharing my story is to let others know that not only are they not alone, but that when the truth is exposed the response may be ugly, empty, and hurtful.  Many victims may fail to be embraced, comforted, or experience empathy.  Some people will feel attacked, accused, deemed dishonest, and feel a deep sense of despair.  The truth will set you free and bringing the light to something that has been hidden in the dark dissolves its power and control over your soul.

Sibling incest is one of the least researched and discussed topics among mental health professionals, the media, and the general public.  Individuals who have experienced this type of trauma are less likely to report the incidences as the perpetrator is a part of a core family unit.  The risk of disclosure can far outweigh carrying the weight of the secret. You are not alone and the damage of keeping this issue in the dark has kept many people locked into the belief that they are alone, responsible, or betraying their family by speaking about their experience.

Sibling sexual abuse is sexual contact, masturbation, oral sex, and/or intercourse between siblings with greater than a three-year age difference.  An older sibling may use coercion, pressure, manipulation, power differentials, or tricks to engage the victim in sexual acts.  Estimates range from 15% to 19% of all people report sexual abuse by a sibling and many experts believe the incidence of this type of abuse is much higher as many siblings keep the abuse secret.  As adults reflect on their childhood experience either in or outside of therapy, many people begin to understand the impact of the sibling’s actions and the traumatic effects exhibited throughout their life from this cultural taboo.

Adults who have experienced sibling abuse as a child may experience sleeping disorders, anxiety, PTSD, poor self-concept, poor self-esteem, issues with trust, self-blame, shame, and/or guilt.  Victims may also experience a feeling of responsibility for the abuse and form unhealthy attachments to the sibling.  Research has shown that early sexual encounters have a profound impact on the victim’s brain development due to the way distress alters the brains signals, pathways, and impacts the way an individual experiences PTSD, stress response, hormone activity, and depression (Anderson, Tomada, Vincow, et. al). 

Siblings have an opportunity to find healing and reconciliation through open, honest, and compassionate conversations with each other.  Individuals can overcome the negative effects of sibling abuse through therapy, spirituality, and the support of caring friends. Forgiving the abuser frees the victim even if the abuser fails to accept responsibility for the hurt and abuse. Family rejection may occur, yet, many individuals find deep, meaningful, loving relationships from others and learn to redefine family.  If you would like to join a support group for those who have experienced sibling abuse, please contact me at katherine@r3wire.org.   

Citation

Andersen, S. L., Tomada, A., Vincow, E. S., Valente, E., Polcari, A., & Teicher, M. H. (2008). Preliminary evidence for sensitive periods in the effect of childhood sexual abuse on regional brain development. The Journal of neuropsychiatry and clinical neurosciences, 20(3), 292–301. doi:10.1176/appi.neuropsych.20.3.292

Konopka L. M. (2015). The impact of child abuse: neuroscience perspective. Croatian medical journal, 56(3), 315–316. doi:10.3325/cmj.2015.56.315